What Do We Need?

It’s Sunday night, and I just finished watching a movie called “Lovely, Still.”  It is a bittersweet romance about an older couple who find happiness in each other’s company. It’s not a typical romance though.  It has a twist and a deeper meaning.  It is about the human condition and how much we need each other and how we are built to share life with each other.  I’m balling on the couch.   

Later, five minutes after tucking my very tired son into bed, he tiptoes in my room and says simply, “I need you.”  I ask him if he’s had a bad dream or just can’t sleep.  He shakes his head.  He just needs me.  He doesn’t know how else to explain it, and I can see that my normally mischievous, independent, no fear kid is being quite serious and sincere.  He’s a walking, talking version of the human condition.  He just listened to his heart and emotions.  We need each other.  We don’t like to always admit it, but we need to connect with each other. 

I think women need it more than we let on.  We suffocate without the right dose of connections with the people we love.  It’s in our genes.  When our kids come up to us and say how much they need us, we melt.  This is a wonderful stage… kids have no qualms about just speaking the truth.  On the contrary, we adults do everything we can not to voice our true feelings.  We are plagued with fear.  Kids are not. 

This touching movie was about how an older couple became like children again and realized the truth.  They had faced fear and said to it, “To hell with you.  I’m going to live my life.”  Just like my son, they were honest with themselves and took actions to get what they knew their souls needed. 

But, as adults, the ones who are supposed to be running the show, we make this basic human need so complicated and distorted.  Sometimes, we don’t say what we want or listen to our inner voice.  We ignore the truth or, worse, lie to ourselves.  We rush around trying to build a life for ourselves and forget what is right under our noses – a bunch of connections that could enrich our lives and slow us down. 

Older adults have experienced all of what life has to offer and still come back to the true meaning of life and love – connecting with each other.  Maybe that’s why kids and grandmas and grandpas tell the best stories.  They don’t have to worry about getting dinner on the table or paying this months’ cell phone bill.  They choose not to worry.  They like to tell and listen to stories because it creates more connections.

As we women go into the hubbub of creating another lasting memory this Thanksgiving with the perfect turkey, tablecloth, decorations, and seating arrangements, maybe we should look around and see what the other generations are doing.  Are they building a puzzle, reading a book, telling a story?  Are they meeting their human need to connect better than we are?  Is getting the milk to butter ratio for the mashed potatoes right that important?  Instead of pouring our efforts into inanimate objects that we will never be able to connect with, maybe we should tell our own story and see who listens.  They do need us after all.