What's In a Goal?

My son plays hockey on Saturday mornings.  Last week, he “scored” four goals.  (It’s a “learn to play” league, and there are no real goalies.)  We sang his praises on the way home.  “Wow, you were so good out there.”  “That was a great breakaway.”  (I’m learning the hockey lingo.)  It must have gone to his head, because this week he tried to do it again.  But, no such luck.  No goals.  On the way home, silence.  He was beating himself up.  “I’m horrible at hockey!”  He can be rather melodramatic.  In the front seat, we tried to rally.  “Better luck next time!”  “You had two assists!”  “The team couldn’t have done it without you.”  He looked at us skeptically.  Our cheerleading didn’t quite cut it… 

My husband was happy.  “This is good.  Competitiveness is healthy.  The good athletes push themselves.”  I did not concur.  “It’s just a sport.  Does he really need to be beating himself up?  Isn’t he acting kind of selfish?”

We bantered back and forth about the philosophies going through our six years old’s head.  He sucked on a tootsie pop and watched.   

I’m not sure I want the inherent selfishness that comes in being “good” at a sport, although I like the benefits of team sports and learning discipline and hard work.  But, my husband can’t wait to see him excel in something and hone his skills.  Which is the greater evil - a kid who is excellent and conceited or a kid who is mediocre and kind?  What are we breeding in our kids?  Why can’t culture reward kindness like it does athletic ability? 

On the other hand, we learned at the parent teacher conference that “he was empathic towards other kids.”  We were stunned.  He goes up to them and hugs them.  He has a kid with Downs Syndrome in his class and treats him with kindness according to his kindergarten teacher, Ms. Fritchlee. 

I have to find a way to help him focus on the goal of kindness and selflessness as much as the goal in a net in hockey.  Maybe if we cheered more for these types of “goals” he would be more apt to do them. 

Maybe that is why sports is popular.  It is tangible to see a goal and obvious when to cheer.  It’s easy to spot the heroes. 

Sometimes in life, we forget to cheer for the acts of kindness that go unnoticed. 

The jobs that are considered a “calling” like teaching and motherhood are the jobs where no one is looking.  No one is noticing or singing your praises and many “goals” go unnoticed. 

But the people I know who excel at these jobs are the kind of people that I want to be like and that I want my son to be like. 

I notice that some people who are hailed as successes, elevated above others, and put on pedestals are actually selfish, unhappy and lonely.  They may have a hat trick in life like my son had two Saturdays ago (I’m getting really good at this lingo thing), but when they are off the ice, they fail to see the real meaning of winning.

 

It seems so easy, but it’s difficult to master.  It’s like good athletes.  They make it look easy.  But, it’s not.  So many people walk around wondering why they are unhappy and dissatisfied with life.  Well, it’s simple.  These people are not scoring the goals that are important in life.  They are not giving back, sharing their gifts, and helping others. 

Like my son, we all need to be reminded that it’s not always about scoring goals.  Sometimes, an assist is just as important as a goal.  If someone is not passing the puck, another doesn't have the opportunity to put it in the net.    

Being mothers, wives, daughters, friends, and women, we do a lot of passing and get a lot of assists.  But, this is where I find my happiness.  I love being a mom and I love being a friend, sister, daughter and wife.  Helping others, watching the play develop, and finding a way to win as a team is my most rewarding sport.